My future womb snatchers will watch Wonder Showzen

December 27, 2005
No, they will NOT be buttfucked on a dark street while learning the way to gay ass Sesame Street…
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Nor, will they be filled with mindless babble from huge assed puppets or sex offending dinosaurs


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DING DING DING!!! They will gather all they need to know about the world from one show..
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WONDER SHOWZEN will be my chirren’s learning tool that reinforces the reality of this fucked up world. I wish someone would have turned off the duet with Aaron Neville and Ernie, sat my dumb ass down, and said:

” You WILL be fucked up one day.”


Point black. Even if you aren’t a child I believe you will take something valuable from this…this..Sesame Street on acid..

They will emerge from the sticky carpet spot in front of the tube an enlightened child having learned about:

and most importantly Racism…

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Don’t believe the hype?..here’s a few more clips


Ah yes, the inquiring mind of a child. Let’s not ignore it. Takeitoutside luh duh kiiiids.Wonder Showzen comes on MTV2 on Saturdays around 1a.m EST. (last time I checked)..And the 2nd season starts in March!


It’s a celebration BITCHES!–(a Christmas celebration)

December 27, 2005

I know I haven’t posted in awhile, but hey what can I say? I’m a lazy bitch sometimes. And Christmas kept me kinda sorta busy. But don’t worry coons and coonettes..I got you covered. I’m filled with perpelexing questions and unadulterated hate served chilled–just like you like it 🙂

So how were my few but faithful readers Christmas’?

Me?…myself personally…I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Seeing as though I’m not working at the moment, I didn’t have money to buy anyone gifts. It sucks to be me (*sad face*).My mom bought me Mary’s “The Breakthrough” a sewing machine. Yes I asked for a sewing machine! I’ve always wanted one. I’m gonna start working on some pieces for the summer–screw a $34 denim skirt at some crackety cracker girl store when I can make it myself–Yaaameeaan?! Anywaaaays, a few of my loud ass family members came over for din-din, and boy was it a sight to see. Prime rib roast gone in 5 minutes flat..2 Turkeys left unscathed, and my punk ass didn’t even get a second helping. No mercy I tells ya. My family just don’t givafuck.

Question?: Why must greedy ass family members take plates home when they haven’t even finished what’s on their plate to begin with?

FUNK DAT!



There’s something about Remy…

December 22, 2005

That makes me want to throw up in my mouth.


“Mirrraaaculous..Phenomenal” These are the two words that come to mind when Remy Ma’s-Conceited video flashes on my tv screen.. Not because it’s a stunning work of “hip pop” art, or because Remy’s braggadocious swagger about a lifestyle that I could only dream to have makes me feel like a mere peon amongst two-tone haired amazons…No, these words are the only thing I can pull out of my ass to begin to understand how she could even let the words “Conceited” escape from her lips..Remy Mother, how’re you gonna call yourself conceited when all the girls in the video look 374935689348347936548374^10 better than you? Doesn’t that picture look like is missing a airbrushed Benz for the backround and two hoodrats flanking Remy on each side, donned with old ass fingerwaves, “RIP B-Rock” tatooes on their tits, and flashing gold teeth. This shit has got to stop.

Conceited??–methinksnot.


On a more positive note..

SHE’S BA–AAAACK…L-Boog on the cover of upcoming Feb issue of Essence. She looks downright fabulous…

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Quick post:

December 20, 2005

Is it JUST me or..

Does Trey Songz….

Make the ugliest faces

EVAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??
Of course it’s not me. He isn’t an ugly bruva, but damn son! Stop straining so hard!. And for the love of my corneas would somebody please get this dingy wife-beater wearing, 115lb’s soaking wet, crust bucket “I just rolled outta bed” looking ass bruva a stylist. STAT!

(Disclaimer: excuse the alien-esque quality of the 1st 2 pics..I took em with my camera phone-but you get the point right?lol)


In other news…

–Zoe Kravitz, 16 year old daughter of Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet, apparently is a down ass bitch who ain’t afraid to take a fowty ounce Olde-E to the head..YA’MEEEEEAAAAN??!? Straight Street!

[Images via Concreteloop]

Daddy betta take a break from applying the ultra perm to break out the studded belt on babygirl

–Shar Jackson, better known as Niecy from Moesha to black folk, and Kevin Fredertrash’s “B-Ay!-B-Y-M-Ay!-M-Ay!” to white folk looks a tad remedial here(just a tad). I heard she’s coming out with her own reality show. Let’s hope it’s not a bitch fest and K-Fed comes to visit the chirren and inadvertantly sleeps with Shar. And Shar honey, please put Britney’s child support money to good use and splurge on a new wardrobe, shall we?

Negros and Negrettes, gather round for PSA:

–Uh oh..I see Bun-B wearing a Pink Panther shirt in Beyonce’s Check On It video. This means we’re in for an impending epidemic of ignant’ ass rappers, wiggas/wiggettes, drug boys and B2K-esque thug posers rockin em’ for the winter–(word to Bird Flu!). Well, let moi be the first to say: YOU ARE WACK. If you are not Camron Giles , a member of Dipset, or Kanye ‘A Metrosexual’s dream’ West you should be smacked upon the crown of your skull immediately–with extreme blunt force for wearing anything affilated with the Pink Pather. I don’t care where you are: the mall, the club, supermarket, hospital.. STOP THE MADNESS.



Newsflash Heffa: You ARE black!

December 17, 2005

So I was watching the Tyra Show one day last week and the topic was about people who dislike their race, heritage, where they came from…Basically, a couple self-hating women who don’t like themselves… Don’t like:

The fact they are black
–Their skin color
–Hair
–Nose
–Heritage
–Breast
–Black men
–Butt
–Name

I was as shocked as any black woman would be. There is absolutely no possible way I can empathize or relate to this bitch in any way

(Disclaimer: you will see the word “bitch” numerous times in this post, kindly guide your children away from the monitor)

..Picture this self-hating bitch:

Yes…this bitch. Plopping her fat ass on stage, on national televison denying the fact that she is black. This bitch “Shelly Williams”spewed among a bunch of other complete and utter nonsense that:

1) She want’s to change her name “because it’s too ghetto.”
2) She will only work, and eat with white folks.
3) She wants to get a breast & butt reduction, and nose job to look more “white.”
4) Martin Luther King never did anything to benefit her.

Just “wow” right? I bet her mother and father are gloating with pride..Can I get a collective


“HOE SIT DOWN!!”
from the audience?………..


Thank you.

I don’t even want to give this bitch any shine by putting her on my blog, but she needs to be put on blast. There was also another self-hating bizzatch that didn’t want her kids to have “nappy hair” or to be dark-skinned, so she married an asian man. But Shelly Williams appalled me the most…

What do you mean Martin Luther King never did anything to benefit you?! Bitch do you realize the struggle and strife our ancestors went through to even allow you to even sit your ignorant ass up there and even speak out the side of your mouth?! read?!go to school?! get a job?! vote?!

If Dave Chappelle’s Racial Draftskit was a reality..this bitch would be a 1st round draft pick. No–scratch that, I doubt that even the craziest of white folks would want the equivalent of Clayton Bigsby:

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Black people already have our work cut out for us as a whole. We don’t need bitches like her bringing us down even more…


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December 15, 2005

Just a few things…

What it do baby?!..You’d think with all that money Paul Wall invested in his grill he’d set some aside for wifey . Apparently she’s in a group named “Velvet Ice” (ummmm..) They don’t sound half bad, but they could stand to look a LOT better -[ Cake and Ice-Cream]

Gwen Stefani preggers? If so she can send those damn harajuku girls home now-[ Perezhilton]

Jodie Watley(yea remember her..) done pulled a Vivica and went and got some plastic surgery -[ Concreteloop].

Amerie cut her hair..It’s cute, but I hope she just pinned it up or something. (I’m copying for Christmas!)


Yea I’m skinny–So what the prollem is?!?

December 14, 2005

So yea, I’m skinny..always have been, and will probably (crosses fingers) always be. Takeitoutside is 115 lbs at 5’5″. And can wear a size 0-3/4 depending on the fit. I remember getting teased for my weight in school. To this day I still get:

-Do you eat?


-Are you anorexic–bulimic?!?

“No bitch!–Is my name Lindsay Lohan? Nicole Ritchie?!”

Hilary Duff?

No. it is not.

Now, that’s would Takeitoutside would like to say to these assuming cunts..but that wouldn’t be very nice of Takeitoutside–now would it?. Instead, I simply give a fake *yuckyuck* laugh, and go about my merry way. Sure sometimes I would like to put on a few extra pounds in the ass region..but why? I’m happy with myself, like I believe everyone should be. I don’t think: “Curse those fat bitches for having all that ass..THEY ARE E’VIiiL”. And recently, I’ve tried to be as nonjudgemental as possible when it comes to first sight reactions (trust me it’s hard). So when i’m browsing the net one day for a cheesy ghetto love book to fly through, and come across THIS, all that nonjudgemental crap went out the window. Now Monique is a funny woman..no doubt. Ashamed to admit it, but I get a kick out of the negrofest that is The Parkers. But Takeitoutside wasn’t feeling this book one bit. And to make matters more complicated, the site included an excerpt. How delightful 🙂 My thoughts are in purple

SKINNY BITCHES. (Hunh?!*confused look*)

Yes, you read right. (Oh see this hoe trippin’..)

And skinny bitches know who they are. If your dress size is in the single digits, chances are I’m talking to you(furrows eyebrow). You’re evil and need to be destroyed.(what?! this fat bii–) I know because for years, I thought they were my friends, but as time rolled on, it soon became clear that these evil bitches didn’t give a damn about my feelings. It was always all about them. Well, not if we destroy them, or perhaps trick them with a one-day all-you-can-eat salad special, round them up, and ship their tiny asses off to a sandy island with nothing green on it, just wall-to-wall fried chicken and fast food. That shit would drive them as crazy as they make me and other BIG girls.(done lost her mind)


Now see, this is that bull. I tried to be cordial, but now it’s time to attack fat. Do I come over there and smack the Cheesenormous, Eggnormous, Meatnormous Burger King breakfast sammich out your paw Monique?! No. You have it your way. All skinny bishes don’t live off ruffage and brown rice (I will eat you out of house and home if you let me). Just like all fat women don’t eat the entire Wing Shing buffet. I know obesity can stem from genetics. And Just because Takeitoutside happens to be skinny–doesn’t mean she’s healthy(I really wasn’t this past summer *sad face*).

Your body is your responsibility. Making a book about your personal dislike for skinny women will not lower your cholesterol by 50 points nor move you to the left of the BMI chart. Skinny women aren’t the only creatures on earth who ridicule fat women. Why not name the book “All skinny men are evil” or “All children are evil” or maybe even “McDonalds is evil”? Any would suffice. You may even have yourself a winner with the last title MoMo. Morgan Spurlock did.

I don’t buy into “I’m big, beautiful, and happy” facade that some unhealthy fat women use to convince the world they don’t feel like crap. If it was true and you sincerely didn”t give a blue fuck what anyone thinks about you; Why throw it in my face? And while MoMo’s intention was to make skinny bitches mad and fat bitches gloat with pride. The point is…

ALL SKINNY WOMEN ARE NOT EVIL!