Da’hell u been?!?

December 23, 2008

So I haven’t updated this jawn in a minute..I’ve been busy with the wonderful thing called life but I realize i’ve been nice for waaaay too long.  The bitch is back!

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Gay Porn Twins Go On a Robbing Spree (Dead.ass.serious)

February 26, 2008

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Police said a hard-working Philadelphia couple, who are coping with the recent loss of their only son overseas, were the latest victims in an alleged rooftop robbery spree.

Authorities arrested twin 25-year-old brothers Taleon and Keyontyli Goffney in connection with the theft of $2,000 from an ATM in the Moon’s Beauty Shop (LMAO!!) at 9th and Washington Streets Tuesday.

Ki and Jae Moon were devastated when they discovered a hole punched in the ceiling of their South Philadelphia business and thousands of dollars missing from their in-store ATM.

Police said the twin suspects broke into the store by crashing through the roof.(I guess they got tired of using the back door *rimshot*)

Authorities said the pair is suspected in as many as 50 similar burglaries in the tri-state area.

Damn, who knew a can of Murray’s hair grease was so hard to come by. I almost choked on my last swedish fish cause them fools look like my ex-boyfriend and they’re from my area. Anywho, here’s some of their “work” (NSFW) because I know the ladies (and some gents) wanna see this fuckery. And here’s Keyontyli’s Myspace page. Don’t even send that friend request as i’m almost certain these two are being traded for a pack of shrimp flavored of Ramen Noodles as I type.


This BETTER be for a movie role.

February 22, 2008

Follow the drip…follow the drip…

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Now why in the hell would you do that to your head?! You know Jada’s ass had a hand in this mess..talm’bout: “Baby, just let me grease your scalp with these fine Carol’s Daughter products..” Not right!

I’m so hurt right now. I’ve dug deep into my hardrive for some re-assurance of his former hotness and this is what I came up with:

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And just like that, all is forgiven…..


Thanks Oprah, Now I know ‘dere is a God

April 13, 2007

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Oprah proves she still has some Miss Sophia in her by teaching the whities how to ‘lean and rock wit it’ yesterday on her show after talking to the Rutgers Women’s basketball team. (My thoughts on that Don Imanasshole fiasco in a sec) She also taught them how to shuck and jive the Chicken Noodle Soup and some shit I ain’t never heard of called the “Old Man.” I was much delighted to see the gay white dude in the back say he would use these new guaranteed punches in the face at his next wedding reception. Big Bird Gayle even joined in the fukkery. Jesus please take this damn wheel.

On Don Imusbeoutofajob

Now, i’m not one to get easily offended but while being a student at (current controversial university) I’ve seen a lot of the fukkery over this whole “nappy-head hoe” debacle. One incident that stuck out this past week; I had a white lab instructor laugh a little too hard and asking quite dumbassedly (yea I made that word up) “Do they really look like thaaaat??” after another student informed her on what Don Imus referred to these young ladies as. Now i’m not one to get easily offended but it’s damn awkward when you’re the only notable brown person in the class. I promptly stopped what I was doing and shot her a look of “Bitch-is-you-serious?” The ghetto DNA in me wanted to ask her if it’d be A-okay if I called her a stringy-haired, pasty face, cave slut. But I digress and catch my breath. As she noticed her tactful eloquence she immediately stopped cackling enough to shake her head in pity and give a half-hearted “Yea, he shouldn’t say stuff like that about people…” Yea. Okay. Whatever. Please, heffa probably doesn’t even sleep at night because it’s black when she closes her eyes. She must’ve felt stupid or something because later she let me make up a lab hand-in that I missed last week. White guilt must be a bitch. Anywhooo..Mama was right when she said: “If you don’t have nothin’ nice to say, don’t say it AT ALL. ” (Or unless you’re in the comfort of your own racist ass home) I’m burying this Don Imus fukkery 10x’s faster than Anna Nicole Smith so i’ll leave you with fond memories with this hilarity via NovaSlim. Oh yea, Go Sanjaya!

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The Hot Ass Mess Report: K-Ci & Fat Joe

March 10, 2007

Umm..yea so K-Ci went a made a song called “Apologize” clearly directed at Mary J. Blige for all the cracky pain he put her through. He should’ve tried this shit earlier when she was still too messed up to care. It’s completely fair to say that this video is fucking hilarious. (and sad 😦 ) Kendu and Mary are somewhere on matching razor scooters laughing their asses off. For complete and utter fukkery fastforward to 2:20

Tyrone Biggums K-Ci- Apologize

 

 

Next in our report: Joesph Cartegena aka Fat Joe

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Dare I say, he bears a striking resemblance to the Michelin Man! When reached for comment all MM had to say with this:

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And there you have it. That concludes our Hot Ass Mess report for this evening. Good night, good luck, and stay away crack and bow ties.


Jay-Z superstan on Dr. Phil

January 30, 2007

jayzstan.jpg“I’ve been stalking Jay-Z more than three years,” Katrina says matter-of-factly. “Jay-Z is the CEO of Def Jam [Records]. He’s a big celebrity. In my mind, he’s more than that. He is just my dream. I can’t seem to think of anybody else. He is my all and all.” Katrina buys every magazine Jay-Z is in, has called him over 300 times and e-mails him 200 times a day, but he has never responded. She even had a T-shirt made up with Jay-Z’s and her picture, that she says she sleeps in every night. “Jay-Z’s real name is Shawn Corey Carter. When I’m writing songs, I would just call him Shawn. I make up my own songs and leave them on his voice mail,” she shares. “I went to a Web site that has gossip, and they believe anything you say. I e-mailed them a letter, saying I was Jay-Z’s ex. I also went as far as saying Jay-Z liked me better than [his girlfriend] Beyoncé. He’s in love with me,” she reveals. “Everything was made up.” Katrina’s friends have pointed out that she’ll never be able to take Jay-Z from Beyoncé. “I don’t care. To me, I am Beyoncé. I am every man’s dream. I’m accomplishing it by just looking in the mirror and saying, ‘Jay-Z’s going to be my man,’” she says. Katrina explains that when she heard a rumor that Jay-Z proposed to Beyoncé, she snapped and tore all his pictures up. “I want to see Beyoncé and Jay-Z one day in public and just go there and snatch her weave out.(lmao!!!)[read the rest]

This hoe ain’t got no manners yall. If she wants to get on top of Jay-Z’s camel hump I suggest she take the elegant hoe approach: Get some singing/dancing lessons, move to Barbado’s and change her name to Rihanna…works everytime!

But seriously (not really) Jay-Z should probably file a restraining order on this crazy ho..But not until we get to see Bey’s Beverly Johnson tracks all over the red carpet. PRICELESS!


Fugly but Funny

January 19, 2007

Ushalina Berry

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Samantha Jackson Winfrey

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[yoinked from]